A Time To Cry
by Nicole Berman
Summary: Charlotte and Cooper have the perfect life together, including a beautiful little girl. But when Charlotte gets pregnant again, she faces an impossible choice. Will she let Cooper help her through it, or push him away?
1. A Time To Give Up

Title: A Time To... 1/3

Author: fresh_tart

Rating: R

Characters/Pairing: Cooper/Charlotte

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I'm just borrowing them. I hereby promise to return them dirtier, wetter and more satisfied than when I took them.

Summary: Charlotte faces an impossible choice in her personal life. Will she let Cooper help her through it, or push him away?

WARNINGS: Major angst later on, but this chapter is genuine, 100% fluff. Mostly.

***

_There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die...a time to search and a time to give up._

***

"Carly, sit down." Charlotte frowned when her reprimand got no response. Her voice flinty, she snapped, "Caroline Grace Freedman, I said sit **down**."

The little blonde heaved a huge sigh and sank down, her bottom hitting the booster seat with a thump. "I'm down." She mirrored Charlotte's expression of frustration back to her, and not for the first time, Charlotte was unnerved by seeing her own eyes reflecting back at her from Carly, but in a shade of blue that nearly matched her father's.

"You're also being rude," Charlotte said, holding back her infamous temper. In the past four years, she'd gotten quite good at keeping her frustration in check, but lately it seemed as if Carly were pressing every one of her buttons in quick succession, and it was getting more and more difficult for Charlotte not to snap at her daughter, no matter how much she loved the little girl. "Now, finish your pancakes, or we won't have time to see Daddy before school."

"But I wanna see Daddy!" Carly whimpered. "He didn't come tuck me in last night. You said we could go visit him today. You promised."

"Carly." The little girl looked up, and Charlotte raised one eyebrow slowly. "This is not the UN, and we are not negotiating. You have two options here: finish your pancakes and see Daddy, or continue to whine at me and waste all your time." When Carly picked up her fork and started to eat, Charlotte expelled a breath. If Carly were this stubborn at four, Charlotte dreaded her teens.

While her daughter finished breakfast, Charlotte scooped up the remainder of her files and dropped them into her black briefcase, running through the mental checklist she compiled every morning. She'd drop Carly off with Cooper for some daddy-daughter bonding; he could drive her over the preschool afterward and save Charlotte a few precious minutes. Then she had the meeting with the hospital board at nine, an M&M at eleven that she was bound and determined not to miss, and Naomi Bennett had asked her to meet with a patient of hers at two o'clock. Somewhere in there, Charlotte would have to squeeze in lunch and the near-daily 'Meet me in a storage closet?' phone call from Cooper, which ordinarily she'd leap at, but today she'd have to forgo in favor of plowing through the paperwork piled high on her desk, if she wanted to get out before six. And she did, because otherwise, Cooper would give her that **look** when she got home, the one that said she was a terrible wife and mother, and then she'd have to remind him who was in charge, and she hated it when they fought. So tonight was definitely a be-home-by-dinnertime night. Besides, it was Cooper's turn to cook, so that usually meant Thai food, and she was craving pad thai fiercely.

Slipping her arms into her blazer, Charlotte smiled at Carly, her annoyance completely wiped away. "Okay, baby, ready to go?"

Carly wriggled her way into her jacket, refusing any help and making Charlotte smile with her independence. She grabbed her little purple backpack and slung it over one shoulder. "Ready, Momma."

***

Charlotte texted to say she was on the way (and that she'd missed him the night before and would explain in exactly **which** ways she'd missed him later), and Cooper met them in the waiting room at Oceanside.

"There are my girls!" He scooped Carly up and planted a big kiss on her cheek, which made her giggle and wrap her arms around his neck.

"Daddy!" She leaned back to glare at him accusingly. "You didn't tuck me in last night, an' you missed breffest this morning."

"I know." Cooper made a sad face, frowning deeply. "I had a patient last night, baby. He got really sick, and I had to go to the hospital and try to make him better. That's why I didn't tuck you in. But," he tickled her stomach, and Carly giggled, "I'll tuck you in tonight."

"Promise?"

Cooper winked at her, and used the phrase he had coined when she was old enough to start asking questions of him. "Promise as hard as I can. And that means?"

Carly said somberly, "You're gonna do your best, an' if you can't keep your promise, it's because of something really, really important but you still love me."

"Exactly." Cooper gave her another big kiss, then set her on the floor, saying, "Dr. Addison has a present for you. Why don't you go see what it is?" As Carly sprinted off down the hallway, Cooper called after her, "No running inside! And knock before you go in!" He turned to Charlotte, his grin both enormous and real. "Morning, gorgeous."

"Hey," Charlotte drawled. She crossed her arms over her chest, eyeing Cooper.

Cooper recognized her pissed-off look immediately. "Uh oh. What'd I do?" He thought quickly, trying to remember if he'd forgotten an anniversary, an important date, anything.

"Oh, nothing." Charlotte smiled, but her eyes stayed cold. "I just love how I put up with your bullshit, I learned to sleep through your snoring, I bcook/b for you."

Cooper's mind clicked and whirred, and suddenly, he got it. He stepped toward his office, jerking his head for Charlotte to follow him. She did, albeit unwillingly and with crossed arms. As soon as she stepped in, he shut the door behind them. "And I greeted the kidlet first," he said apologetically. He added in a low voice, "But only because I didn't think you'd appreciate me sticking my tongue down your throat in front of waiting patients."

Slightly mollified, Charlotte gave him a half-nod, and Cooper reached for her, drawing her into his arms and lowering his mouth to hers. "I missed you," he murmured against Charlotte's lips.

Charlotte relented, melting into Cooper's kiss. When she finally pulled away, short of breath and smiling, she warned him, "Don't let it happen again."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Cooper slid his hand into Charlotte's hair, tilting her head back slightly. "Are you all right?" Her hackles raised again, Charlotte wrenched herself out of his embrace and glared at him. Cooper just sighed, knowing he was about to dig himself deeper. "It's just...you've been awfully moody lately. And it's not your normal Charlotte King-Freedman moody," he added, before she had time to formulate a nasty enough response. "I love that moody, it's beautiful and passionate, and I deserve more than ninety percent of the bitching you throw my way. But in the last few weeks, you've been getting pissed off when the wind blows wrong."

"I'm fine." Her Southern accent deepened as Charlotte fought against her anger to admit, "All right, maybe not 'fine' exactly. I don't feel like myself." She sighed silently, meeting Cooper's eyes. "I almost yelled at Carly this morning." Charlotte saw it in his eyes, how he wanted to wrap her up and hold her until she felt better, and that made her feel a bit better. "I'm gonna get labs done before my nine o'clock meeting," she told him. "Just in case it's a hormone thing."

Charlotte's narrowed gaze warned Cooper against any PMS jokes, and he smiled warmly. "Good. Now, can we get back to kissing before Carly bursts back in here and distracts us?"

***

As promised, Charlotte's first stop was the hospital's lab, where she tried being nice, but ended up threatening a resident with decapitation if he mentioned her tests or their results to anyone but her. She went on to her meeting with a slight spring in her step, and pushed the entire matter out of her mind until her phone rang that afternoon. She listened in silence, thanked the young resident shortly, and then she literally couldn't remember a thing until she was in front of Cooper's office door, knocking, and finding herself hoping he didn't have a patient because she wasn't sure she could hold the tears back even if he did.

The door swung open under her fist, and Cooper grinned up at her from behind his desk. "Hey. This is a nice surprise. You get done early?"

Charlotte shook her head, pushing the door closed. "Cooper..." She took a deep breath, feeling the sting of tears behind her eyelids.

"What's wrong?" Cooper was up and around his desk in a split second, and then his arms were around Charlotte's waist, and she was burying her face against his neck and inhaling the scent of his aftershave.

"I'm..." Charlotte swallowed around the lump of tears in her throat. "I'm pregnant."

"What?" Cooper tilted his head back, frowning down at her with incomprehension. "But you said--"

"I know what I said," Charlotte said sharply, her accent drawing the words out. "I only wanted one. Clearly, someone had a different plan." Cooper's smile was so big, it seemed to escape his face and infect Charlotte, because before she knew it, the corners of her mouth were turning up. "Hope you remember how to change diapers, 'cause I have a busy year comin' up, and you're gonna end up playing Mommy a lot."

"Fair enough, fair enough," Cooper laughed, still grinning widely. "I told you when we had Carly: you give birth, and I'll do the rest."

"I'm gonna remember that next time you leave a basket full of laundry for me to do," Charlotte teased. "Now there'll be twice as many clothes."

"We'll hire somebody," Cooper offered, his grin never wavering. "Whatever we have to do."

"I knew I let you marry me for a reason."

***

"Pink!" Carly voted.

"Pink is kind of a girl color and..." Cooper trailed off as Charlotte glared at him. "What? It is, traditionally, a color for females."

"Someone ought to tell Sam that," she smirked. "They might repossess his testes."

"What are testes?" Carly asked happily.

Laughing, Charlotte pointed down the paint aisle. "I'll be over there picking out colors while you explain the concepts of sex and genitalia to our four-year-old." She winked at Cooper and headed down the aisle, hearing his half-hearted explanation behind her.

"It's...uh...it's a part. A body part. A body part that Daddies have, where babies live before they're born."

"But the baby is in Mommy's tummy." Carly tilted her head, staring at Cooper. "How can it be in your testes, too?"

"You're too much like your mother." Cooper groaned as they followed Charlotte to the paints. "Hey," he tried to distract his daughter, "how about green? That's gender-neutral."

"What's that mean?"

Cooper kicked himself mentally. "You'll find out when you're in med school."

***

"Twelve weeks," Charlotte calculated out loud. "How did I miss the signs for twelve weeks?"

Cooper gave a one-shouldered shrug, made nearly impossible because Charlotte was draped across him. "You were sick as a dog with Carly," he offered, yawning. "Maybe it just didn't click without the morning sickness."

"Guess not." Charlotte's fingers trailed over Cooper's skin. "I blame you," she said with a little chuckle.

"Me? It takes two to make a baby, baby." He kissed Charlotte's temple.

"My eggs were violated," she teased, "by your sperm. They clearly wiggled their way past the IUD, the little bastards."

"What can I say?" Cooper shifted slightly, so that he was on top of Charlotte. "Guess every part of me likes being inside you."

Charlotte groaned, smacking her forehead with her palm. "You are such a nerd."

"But I'm **your** nerd." Cooper kissed his way down Charlotte's body, stopping at her stomach and peppering it with gentle kisses.

Charlotte tucked her hands behind her head expectantly, and when Cooper stopped, her eyebrows went up. "Whatcha doin'?"

"Saying hi to the newest Freedman."

Charlotte's eyebrow raised further. "Cooper, honey, I know you're a pediatrician, not an obstetrician, so let me fill you in. Your 'newest Freedman' there is about three inches long and weighs less than an ounce."

Grinning, Cooper shot back, "But she's already got fingernails and toenails. She's practically a person."

"Person or not, it--don't look at me like that, Cooper, it's still an 'it'--it doesn't get a vote in Mommy's extracurricular activities." She smirked down at her husband. "So either keep moving down, or get out of bed so I can do it myself."

Cooper leaned over, his mouth close to Charlotte's stomach. "Don't listen to Mommy, she's a big ol' grouch when she's horny." A pillow smacked into his head, and Charlotte started swearing, threatening him with death and dismemberment if he didn't make her come, and soon.

***

"Charlotte!"

Charlotte groaned inwardly, but pasted a smile on her face, reciting her mantra._ Friends. Friends. Friends._ "Mornin', Violet. Is there somethin' I can do for you?"

"Oh, nothing." Violet's smile screamed 'I know something I'm not supposed to!' and she couldn't hold it in for long. "I'm just on my way into the office, and I wanted to congratulate you."

"Cooper told you," Charlotte said dryly, never having expected anything else from her dear, darling, soon-to-be-departed husband.

"Of course!" Violet bounced happily. "A playmate for Carly--and Jake," she added, grinning. "Maybe it'll be a boy, then they'll be like **brothers**!"

_Friends. Friends. Friends. God dammit._ "Brothers, right. Well, thanks for stopping by."

Violet didn't budge. "When's your first ultrasound? Oh, gosh, I remember mine, I absolutely fell in love with that little tiny baby right then, it was actually kind of ridiculous."

Charlotte aimed for a teasing tone when she said, "I think we had this same conversation when I found out I was pregnant with Carly."

"Oh." Violet giggled, blushing. "Sorry. But yay!"

"Yay," Charlotte echoed. "Now, I hate to be rude, but I have to do about a million things today and--"

Violet cut her off with a wave of her hand, although her face showed her disappointment for a moment. "No, no, I understand, you're a busy woman. Just remind Cooper about Jake's tee-ball game on Friday, okay?"

She pulled the office door open, and Charlotte was hit with a wave of guilt. _Stupid pregnancy hormones._ "Violet," she called, hearing the sigh in her own voice. As Violet turned, Charlotte said grudgingly, "The ultrasound is next Tuesday. I'll make sure we get an extra copy of the pictures for Auntie Vi."

Violet grinned broadly. "Dibs on planning your shower!" she called as she disappeared into the hallway.

"God. Dammit." Charlotte's head met the desk with a soft thud. It was going to be a long six months.

***

"Charlotte?"

"In the nursery," Charlotte called, hating herself for smiling just from saying that. Cooper appeared in the doorway a minute later. "Hey, babe." She grinned at him behind the mask she wore. "I got tired of waiting for you, so I shipped Carly off to Violet's." She waved a paintbrush in his general direction. "Grab a brush and get to work."

Cooper complied, eyeing the light green color that Charlotte had, apparently, settled on. She'd neglected to tell him, but that was par for the course with her. He started to paint the opposite end of the wall, asking, "So, how was your day?"

"Long." Charlotte reached for more paint. "Violet stopped by to see me this morning. She said to remind you about Jake's tee-ball game." Over the years, she'd gotten quite used to sharing Cooper with Violet, and as long as she came first, she didn't mind. Much.

"Right, thanks."

"Montgomery stopped by, too. She sends her congratulations, although I'm sure she told you that in person, when you apparently blabbed about the little project to everyone in your office."

"They're my friends," Cooper defended himself. "And it's not like you're two weeks along. Twelve weeks is a good time to start telling people."

"A warning next time, hm? I just don't like being ambushed by every Tom, Dick and Addison while I'm trying to work."

Cooper laughed softly. "All right. Why was Addison at the hospital, anyway? I thought she was booked in the office with patients."

"Emergency," Charlotte said simply, her voice lowering slightly. "Six month old boy presented in the ER with seizures. History reflected recent behavioral changes, like a loss of grasping ability." She didn't expound, knowing that Cooper would recognize the symptoms. She also didn't trust her voice until she had cleared her throat. "Addison's their doctor, and I wanted her there when I had to tell them."

"Tay-Sachs?" Cooper winced. "Doesn't get much worse than that."

"Knowing your baby's going to get progressively sicker and die in a terribly painful way by the age of five? I can't--" Charlotte broke off, shaking her head. "I can't even imagine."

"Thank God Carly was all right." He leaned over to pat Charlotte's still-flat stomach. "We'll just keep our fingers crossed."

Charlotte covered Cooper's hand with her own, and--despite being an avowed agnostic--for a moment, she prayed.

***

"It's Wednesday, where are my pictures?"

Charlotte's head snapped up, and she stared at Violet in confusion. "When did this office become the second residence of the Oceanside Wellness staff?" she quipped.

"When you got pictures of my future niece or nephew. Now fork 'em over," Violet grinned.

"Pictures? Oh, the ultrasound!" Charlotte shook her head. "We had to reschedule. My tech got pulled to the ER for a multi-car pileup."

"Ouch. Well, when should I start hounding you again?"

Charlotte couldn't help smiling a little at that. "We decided to wait until I'm sixteen weeks before we go, that way we'll hopefully find out the sex at the same time."

"You don't want to hear the heartbeat for another month?" Violet frowned.

Charlotte's little smile widened. "I heard it last night. After the appointment was cancelled, Cooper dragged me in to Oceanside and made Addison pull out her fetoscope. He wanted to go all the way, but I don't know if I want your docs down my pants. No offense."

"Fair enough," Violet laughed. "There's a reason they tell us not to treat family and friends, right?"

"Exactly. Once you've gone down that road, there's no going back."

Violet grinned. "But you heard the heartbeat, and it was normal?"

"'Bout one ten, nearest Addison could figure. Little low for this gestational stage, but Carly's heartbeat was always a bit slow, and she's fine."

"One ten is okay?" Violet asked, clearly worried.

"Normal is between one twenty and one sixty, so it's something I'll mention to my OB, but it's probably just Addison's math skills that are off," Charlotte chuckled. "It was killin' her not to take a look. And I have to admit, part of me said no just to torment her."

"Which part?"

Charlotte thought about that for a moment, then admitted, "All of me."

***

"Christopher."

Cooper frowned. "Another C name? Are you sure?"

"Wouldn't it be strange to have three of us alike and him or her the odd duck out?" Charlotte sighed, tapping her foot impatiently. She wanted to get the ultrasound done with, so she could move on with her day. A tiny part of her--buried deep beneath the sharp exterior she'd cultivated--might've admitted that she was anxious to see her new baby for the first time, but she'd never admit it out loud. "How about Claire?"

"I like Claire. Maybe Charles?"

"Chuck? Ew. No child of mine will ever be called Chuck. Reminds of me that giant mouse-thing."

Cooper had to laugh. "Okay, okay. Um...Caleb."

"Caleb." The name rolled off Charlotte's tongue, and she grinned. "I like Caleb."

"Caleb and Claire. Good names."

Charlotte was about to respond when the ultrasound tech opened the door. "Okay, how are we today?" Without waiting for a response, she grabbed the wand and covered it in gel. "Ready to see your baby?" She reached for Charlotte's shirt, and only Cooper's restraining hand on her arm kept Charlotte from leaping up off the table and throttling the woman while she delivered a firm lecture on bedside manner.

"We're ready," Cooper said with his usual smile, and Charlotte made a mental note to kill him later.

"Okay." The tech pressed the wand to Charlotte's stomach, and began her exam. "All right, there's the little guy--or girl," she added. "Do you want to know the sex?"

"Yes," Charlotte said firmly. "We definitely want to know."

"All righty, well, once I can get a better look, I'll..." The tech trailed off, concentrating hard on the screen. "Hm."

"Hm? What's 'hm' mean?" Charlotte craned her neck for a better look at the screen.

"Nothing, nothing," the woman tried to soothe her. "Just...checking. There's the heartbeat," she said, as the sound filled the room. A little ticker in the corner of the screen showed the rate, and as they watched, it flickered between ninety and one hundred beats per minute."

"Cooper." Charlotte reached for his hand instinctively, squeezing his fingers in a death grip. "Ninety."

"I see it," he said softly, cradling her hand. "Don't jump to any conclusions."

"Jump? Cooper, normal is one-twenty. You're a pediatrician for Christ's sake." Charlotte thought her heart would beat right out of her chest, and the irony of it wasn't lost on her. She peered up at the tech. "How long have you been out of school? What kind of training did you have?"

"Charlotte," Cooper said, his voice gentle but carrying a warning tone that said she was going too far.

"Shut up, Cooper!" Charlotte didn't even spare him a glance, glaring full-on at the ultrasound technician, who was speechless for the moment.

"Ma'am, I don't mean to--that is, I..." She trailed off, unable to meet Charlotte's eyes. "I've been doing this for a while, but I'll be honest with you. I'm not sure I can interpret this ultrasound properly. I'd like to refer you to a specialist."

"Don't bother." Charlotte sat up, tugging her pants up and her shirt down, swinging her feet off the table. "I'll find someone qualified." She stormed out the door, and Cooper was right behind her, offering quiet apologies to the tech, even as he worried about what the hell was going on.

***

Charlotte picked up the phone three times before she could actually dial the number--then she hung up before it was answered. Finally, she made the call. "Mont--Addison?" she corrected herself, swallowing what might have been left of her pride. "It's Charlotte. I--I need a favor."

TO BE CONTINUED...


	2. A Time To Mourn

Title: A Time To... 2/3

Author: fresh_tart

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I'm just borrowing them. I hereby promise to return them dirtier, wetter and more satisfied than when I took them.

Characters/Pairing: Cooper/Charlotte

Summary: Charlotte faces an impossible choice in her personal life. Will she let Cooper help her through it, or push him away?

WARNINGS: Major angst.

***

_There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to mourn and a time to dance...a time to be silent and a time to speak._

***

"Ninety?" Addison repeated, her even tone giving nothing away.

"Ninety to a hundred," Charlotte confirmed. "Never got above one oh-five that I saw."

"There are a lot of reasons--"

Shaking her head, Charlotte cut Addison off. "I don't want reassurances, I want explanations. You and I may not be friends, but I trust your skills as a doctor. I've seen what you can do. You're the best, and I want the best for my baby." Charlotte took a calming breath. "Are you gonna help me or not?"

"Of course." Addison came around her desk and gestured toward the door. "We'll start with a repeat ultrasound, so I can see exactly what's going on." Charlotte stood without a word and followed Addison down the hall to the exam room, grateful that Cooper was making a house call. She loved her husband dearly, but there were some things she just needed to do on her own, and this was one of them. Charlotte laid down on the table and waited, her hands clenched firmly at her sides while Addison flipped the ultrasound machine on and prepped the wand. "Okay," the redhead said, forgoing her usual reassuring smile. Charlotte had made it clear that she wanted to be treated as a doctor, not an expectant mother, and Addison would do her best in that respect. She pressed the wand to Charlotte's stomach and the rhythmic thumping of the baby's heartbeat filled the room. Again, the monitor in the corner of the screen kicked on, and Charlotte's heart skipped a few beats. "Ninety-five," Addison remarked, her poker face still in place. She jiggled the wand a little, noting the slow movements of the fetus. Her voice was distracted and soft as she spoke to the unborn child. "Come on, sweetie, I know you're sleepy, but we wanna see you. Kick up a little dust, honey."

Her practiced eyes studied the ultrasound screen, and Charlotte's gaze followed anxiously. "There we go," Addison said, as the baby twisted toward the wand, giving her a better view. "Okay, the heart itself is normal--four chambers, all nicely formed."

A bit of relief began to seep in, and Charlotte swallowed hard. "So it might be nothing to worry about?"

"Probably not, but..." Addison trailed off. "Hm."

"That's what that moron at St. Ambrose said. 'Hm.' What's 'hm' mean?" Charlotte pressed. "What are you seeing that I'm not?"

Addison's finger traced over the screen, to allow Charlotte to follow along more easily. "First, let me say that in almost all respects, this is a healthy, sixteen-week male fetus." She pointed to his penis and scrotum with a little smile. "He's got ten fingers and ten toes, a brain that's forming right on schedule and a healthy heart."

"There's a 'but'," Charlotte said softly, afraid her voice would give out. "Tell me."

Hesitantly, Addison ran her finger along the fetus's ribcage, and she slipped into medical speak. "I'm seeing rhizomelia and trident positioning of the fingers in the fetus. There's also a marked narrowing of the interpedicular distance, where we should see a widening by this point."

"So he's got shortened limbs," Charlotte said, mulling it over. "With the trident positioning of the fingers, it screams achondroplasia." She fought to remain calm, telling herself that dwarfism was one of the better mutations for a fetus to have. Achondroplastic dwarves could live normal, full lives, with fewer health problems than other mutations of the genes might allow.

"It does," Addison agreed, watching Charlotte's face carefully as the other woman digested the news. "We'll do a CVS or amnio to be sure. But if it's heterozygous, you can proceed with the pregnancy to term, and we'll schedule a C-section for about thirty-nine weeks. You'll have to keep an eye out for hydrocephalus, and bring him in to see me more often than you took Carly to her pediatrician, but with a lot of careful monitoring, he'll be a normal little boy."

"If it's heterozygous?" Charlotte echoed. This was where her training left her floundering.

"Right. One gene mutation and your son is a healthy child, albeit a lot shorter than his playmates. Two mutations, and..." Addison shook her head. "Let's cross that bridge if we come to it."

Charlotte was tempted to go along with Addison's optimism, but she needed to know. "Two mutations means what?"

"Homozygous achondroplasia is fatal," she replied evenly. "Usually it results in a stillbirth, but if the baby survives birth, it can't live for more than a few days, and it's incredibly painful just to breathe, because of the unusually small size of the thorax, and eventually the heart gives out."

Charlotte's brain spun with the new information. "So for once in my life, I should be an underachiever, I guess?" she joked weakly.

Taking a chance, Addison reached out and covered Charlotte's hand with own, for just a moment. "We'll do the CVS today, if you want, and I can have the results for you in a couple of days."

"Yeah. Please." Charlotte nodded quickly. "I want to have all the information as soon as possible, so I--so we," she corrected herself, "can prepare for whatever's coming."

"I understand." Addison stood, pushing her stool back beneath the desk. "Are you Rh-negative?"

Charlotte shook her head. "Cooper and I are both positive."

"Okay. I'll be back in a minute with the biggest needle you've ever seen." Addison gave Charlotte a small smile.

As soon as she was out of the room, Charlotte began to pace mentally. Half of her wanted to call Cooper right then, to hear his voice and be reassured that everything would be fine. The other half told her not to worry him, to wait until she got the results of the genetic testing. That was the half she obeyed, dropping her cell phone back in her bag.

Addison returned with a long needle and an array of test tubes. She chatted with Charlotte about Carly and inane things like the weather, while she used the ultrasound to guide the needle into the placenta, avoiding the baby. After a while, she had the samples she needed. "All done." She smiled at Charlotte. "I'll put a rush on these and call you as soon as I get the results. Take it easy for the rest of the day--go home, put your feet up and order in tonight. Physical stress after a CVS can induce a miscarriage."

"Understood. Thank you." Charlotte paused with her hand on the doorknob, turning back to Addison. "Addison, listen. I know you and Cooper are friends and all, but I want complete doctor-patient confidentiality when it comes to this pregnancy. Don't even tell him I was here."

Resisting the urge to lecture Charlotte on honesty in a marriage--she was still single, so who was she to be giving marriage advice?--Addison simply nodded. "It's your body, and I'm byour/b doctor." She knew she'd regret it later, when she had to lie to Cooper's face, but confidentiality rules existed for a reason.

"Thanks." As soon as Charlotte left the building, she reached for her cell phone and called Cooper. "Coop, it's me."

"Hey, you. What are you up to?"

"Just finishing up a consultation," Charlotte fibbed. "But I'm not feeling well, so I'm gonna head home early. If you'll pick Carly up after work, I'll order dinner so it's waiting when you guys get home."

"Sounds like a good deal. See you tonight."

Charlotte hung up with a sigh. It had taken her so long to learn how to trust Cooper, and now that she did, completely, she had to lie to him for his own good. _Life is so fucked up._

***

"I'm just...not this week, Cooper. I just can't handle it."

"Okay, all right," Cooper placated her. "I'll just call everyone and cancel. We'll do it another time." He smoothed her hair back, and Charlotte bit back an irritated sigh at the way he was babying her. "This pregnancy is really messing with your moods, isn't it?" he asked sympathetically.

"Something like that." Charlotte felt slightly guilty, and she said in a softer voice, "I'm sorry. I know you were looking forward to this dinner."

"It's just dinner. I see them at the office every day, anyway."

"We'll do it next week," Charlotte promised. "When I'm feeling up to it."

"Sure. Whenever you want, babe."

Sighing, Charlotte stepped into Cooper's arms and let herself be hugged tightly. "I'm being a bitch."

"Nah, you're all right." Cooper kissed her gently. "Oh, I meant to ask you earlier, did you want something when you stopped by?"

"What?"

"Dell said you were in yesterday and went straight to Addison's office. I thought maybe you needed something from me."

"Nope." Charlotte pasted on a teasing smile. "Not everything is about you, Freedman. I consult with other doctors, you know."

"Oh, sure, sure." Cooper pretended to be hurt. "Cheating on me with Addison, huh? Not that I blame you, she _is_ pretty hot."

Charlotte leaned back to glare at him. "For your sake, I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that."

"Not as hot as you."

"Better."

"No one's as hot as you."

"_Much_ better." This was territory that Charlotte knew by heart, and she breathed a silent sigh of relief. "But you know I'm not gonna let it go that easily, right?"

"Sadly, I know this." Cooper winked at her. "What's it gonna take for you to forgive me?"

Taking his hand, Charlotte led him toward their bedroom, saying simply, "Let's start with the whip and go from there."

Cooper grinned. "I should piss you off more often."

***

The next morning, Cooper woke her up by giving her an orgasm, and Charlotte decided that it was a sign of things to come. She strolled into her clinic with a smile (which only served to scare the life out of her assistant) and spent the morning catching up on paperwork and other things she avoided as long as possible in favor of actual patient care. She had no appointments scheduled, so when she heard a knock on her door, Charlotte assumed it was her assistant. "Come in," she called.

"Charlotte?" Addison stepped into the office. "I hope I'm not interrupting."

"No, not at all. I was just trying to sign my way out from under this mountain." She set her pen down and went around the desk, sinking into one of the comfortable chairs. "Come on in, sit down."

Addison shut the door behind her and took the chair across from Charlotte. "I just got the results of your CVS."

For a moment, Charlotte hoped that Addison had come by personally so that she could see the expression of relief on Charlotte's face when she delivered the good news. "And?"

Charlotte's hopes were dashed. "It's homozygous. The baby has two mutations of the gene."

_Two mutations._ The words kept running through Charlotte's head, and she stared at Addison blankly. "Fatal?" she finally whispered, her voice filled with raw fear.

"Yes," Addison said, as gently as she could. "If you want to carry to term, you might get to hold him, give him a nice funeral."

Charlotte's head was shaking before Addison was halfway through the sentence. "Absolutely not. I won't put my baby through that."

"Do you want to talk to Cooper before you make a decision?"

Her eyes narrowing, Charlotte replied sharply, "Roe v. Wade. This is my body, and I'm not going to spend the next six months getting more and more attached to a child that won't live. It's not fair to either of us."

"I'm not judging your choice, Charlotte." Addison sighed softly. "God knows it's an impossible decision, and I admire you for knowing what you want. I just thought--"

"It's not an issue." Charlotte pinned Addison with a steely gaze. "Will you do the procedure, or should I look elsewhere?"

"I'll do it," Addison agreed quickly. "For now, you're still my patient."

Gratitude flooded Charlotte, and she let Addison see it in her eyes for just a moment. "You book the OR, just tell me when to show up."

Addison stood, and as she looked down at Charlotte, pity was clearly visible on her face. "I'll clear my schedule for tomorrow morning."

Her spine straightening, Charlotte nodded. "Thank you." She'd used those words more in the last three days than she could remember ever doing before. And she meant them whole-heartedly.

"It's the least I can do."

As Addison left, the door clicking shut behind her, Charlotte dropped her head into her hands and started to cry. Despite her admonitions to herself, she'd already gotten attached to the little boy in her womb, the little boy she'd hoped would have her eyes and Cooper's sense of humor. She'd imagined the perfect family, the four of them every Christmas, gathered around the tree, with all the plentiful kisses and hugs she'd never gotten as a child. Now she had to explain death to her little girl, that her baby brother was in heaven, and she had to find a way to tell Cooper that some random genetic mutation had killed their son.

Charlotte corrected herself mentally. The mutation had just made it impossible for the baby to survive long past birth. The procedure she was choosing to have done the next day--that was what would kill her son. As a doctor and a pragmatist, she knew what had to be done, and she would do it. As a mother, the guilt was nearly unbearable. If she could spare little Caleb the horrendous pain he'd suffer at birth, before he eventually suffocated to death, she would do it. There was no question: her son's pain was worth far more than her own.

***

The procedure took about half an hour, and as Charlotte had opted for the local anesthetic only, she was awake and coherent throughout. Addison did her best to keep their dialogue professional, from the time she met Charlotte in the waiting room until she escorted her to recovery. An hour later, she stopped in to sign Charlotte's release papers, and frowned when she saw Charlotte holding her car keys. "You're not driving yourself home."

"I'm fine."

"You're not fine, you just had surgery," Addison argued.

"I can drive, Addison!"

"I'm not releasing you unless it's into someone else's care."

"I'll sign out AMA," Charlotte smirked.

"And I'll follow you home and bring you right back here," Addison threatened. "I don't play games with my patients' health, you should know better than that. I don't care who you call, but call someone, unless you want to explain to Cooper why you're spending the night in the hospital."

The barb had its intended effect, and Charlotte blanched. "Fine." She dialed her cell as Addison stood there, arms crossed defiantly. "Cooper? I...I need a ride."

***

Cooper arrived five minutes later, having broken every California speed law on the books. He practically sprinted into the lobby, slightly relieved when he saw Addison sitting with a clearly whole and seemingly unharmed Charlotte. "What happened? Are you okay?" He crouched down next to Charlotte's wheelchair.

She nodded quickly. "I'm fine. Your buddy here is just being overprotective."

"My buddy?" Cooper glanced at his colleague, his questions written across his face. "What are you doing here, Addison?"

Addison looked from Charlotte to Cooper, trying to decide how to answer. "Just looking out for your wife's health." She stood and smiled gently at both of them. "Now that you're here, I can go back to work." Addison raised one eyebrow at Charlotte, adding, "If you need anything, don't hesitate to call."

"She won't," Cooper spoke up for her. When Addison had left, he peered with concern at Charlotte. "What happened?"

Charlotte looked at Cooper and sighed, her entire demeanor reflecting her exhaustion. "Can we just go home?"

Trying to set aside his own worry for the moment, Cooper nodded. "Sure."

***

The ride home was nearly silent, and Charlotte stayed locked inside her own head for the rest of the night. She fell asleep on the couch, and Cooper woke her when he was ready to go to bed. She tried weakly to protest, but he lifted her up and carried her into the bedroom, laying her gently on their bed. Though she was sure she could come up with a zinger about how he fancied himself Rhett Butler, Charlotte was too tired to put in the effort. Instead, she climbed under the covers fully clothed and let her eyes fall shut. Momentarily, she felt Cooper's arm sliding around her waist, pulling her back against him, and she winced, making a soft noise of dismay.

"What? What'd I do?" he asked, worried.

"I'm just...sore." Charlotte sighed, knowing she'd have to tell him sooner or later. "Cooper, there's somethin' I have to tell you."

"Anything," Cooper said softly.

His hand came up to stroke her hair tenderly, which only made it harder for Charlotte to say what she had to say. And when she started to speak, she found that the truth wouldn't come. "I had a miscarriage," she lied, the words coming out brokenly. "I'm so sorry."

The silence was palpable between them, and when Cooper finally spoke, his voice was thick with tears. "It's not your fault," he whispered. "These things just happen." He slid his fingers between hers, holding her hand tightly. "I wish you'd told me sooner. Is there anything I can do?"

His concern gnawed at her conscience, and Charlotte just shook her head. Cooper's thumb started stroking her hand, and Charlotte felt a wave of nausea. But as much as she'd wanted to protect Caleb, she wanted to protect Cooper all the more. He was such a good man, such a good husband and father, and so sensitive. This would crush him. So she told herself that she could only do one thing. "No. I'm all right, really." She lifted their joined hands and kissed his. "Like you said, it's just one of those things. If you really want another baby, we can--" Her voice faltered and died.

"No, no. I'm happy. I mean, I love Carly, you know?" Cooper hugged her gently, avoiding pressing on her abdomen. "We can try, if you want."

"I don't think so. I never wanted more kids anyway. Maybe this is karma."

"Don't say that!" Cooper's voice was harsh, although he hadn't mean it to be. "This isn't your fault."

"Okay." Charlotte decided to leave it at that, not wanting to upset him. Instead, she snuggled up tighter against him. She was just drifting off to sleep when she heard Cooper's voice in her ear.

"I love you."

Tears coursed down her cheeks, and she couldn't say anything for the longest time. When she did, it was in a voice ragged with pain. "I love you, too, Cooper. I really do."

***

"All right, kiddo, come on." Cooper scooped the giggling Carly up and threw her over his shoulder. "Let Momma rest, she's not feeling well. Let's go make some breakfast."

"Pop-tarts!" Carly shrieked.

"Hey, now. Daddy needs his hearing," Cooper teased her. "You can have a Pop-tart if you have a banana or an apple with it."

"Banana," Carly voted. "Come on, Momma, have breffest with us." She grinned upside down at her mother as she hung down Cooper's back.

"I'm not hungry," Charlotte said quietly. "You have fun with Daddy. I'm gonna take a shower, and then I'll come play with you, baby."

"Okay, Momma."

When they were gone, Charlotte dragged herself out of bed and into the bathroom, checking the pad she'd taken to wearing overnight. Only a tiny bit of blood, she noticed. Maybe she was finally done spotting; it had been more than a week since the surgery, and she was desperate for that final reminder to dissipate. She wanted her normal life back.

Cooper carried his daughter into the kitchen and got her settled at the table with a blueberry Pop-tart, a banana and a glass of milk. As she watched him getting her breakfast, Carly said nonchalantly, "Momma's not feeling good, huh, Daddy?"

"No, she's not." Cooper smiled gently at her. "I think her tummy hurts."

"Does it hurt 'cause Caleb's not in it anymore?"

Cooper winced and nodded. "Yes, baby. Momma's sad because Caleb had to go to heaven."

"Me, too." Carly pondered something while she nibbled on the corner of her Pop-tart. "Is Momma gonna be happy again?"

"Of course she will," Cooper assured her. "She just has to...she has to be sad for a while, get it all out."

"Like when you poop and then you feel better?"

Cooper couldn't help chuckling at the way his daughter's mind worked. "Something like that." He heard the water stop running and said to Carly, "When Momma comes out here, let's think of things that will make her happy, okay?"

"Okay." Carly frowned in thought. "We should go shopping. Momma likes buying clothes."

Smiling, Cooper nodded. "Yes, she does." He almost suggested clothes shopping for Carly, one of Charlotte's favorite activities, but then he thought of all the tiny blue outfits in a children's clothing store and decided against it. The playground was out for the same reason. Charlotte didn't need to be reminded of their little boy.

Charlotte finally made her way into the kitchen and sank down onto the chair beside Carly. "Mm, that looks yummy," she said.

"Have a bite." Carly thrust the banana perilously close to her mother's eye.

"No, thank you. That's your breakfast."

"You need to eat," Carly insisted, sparing Cooper the trouble of expressing the exact same sentiment. "Bananas are good for you."

"You want something?" Cooper asked. "I can make pancakes, or toast, or--"

"I'm fine." Charlotte crossed the room and poured herself a big mug full of coffee.

"Carly's right, you need to eat," Cooper said softly, resting a hand on Charlotte's back.

She jerked away, nearly spilling her coffee. "I'm not hungry!"

Cooper finally snapped, after a week of walking on eggshells. "You're also not sad, or depressed, or anything but perfectly fine, if I go by what you've been telling me. I find that hard to believe, since I wasn't even pregnant and **I'm** depressed that we lost the baby."

"This isn't the time." Charlotte gazed up at him coldly. "Not in front of Carly."

"Char..." Cooper took a step toward her, flinching when Charlotte stepped back to avoid letting him get too close. "Please don't do this. Let me back in."

"You've never been out," Charlotte said, her eyes flicking down to her coffee mug.

Cooper shook his head, insisting, "I'm as far out as I can get, right now." He took another step closer, and Charlotte found herself backed into the fridge. "Look," he said, lowering his voice, "if you can't talk to me, at least tell someone. Like Violet, maybe. Call Violet," he suggested. At the look on Charlotte's face, he added, "Not as a friend. As a therapist."

"So now I need therapy?" Charlotte snapped.

Cooper crossed his arms. "What's wrong with therapy in a time of grief?"

"I don't need to have my head shrunk just because I had a miscarriage." Charlotte's head turned and she looked at Carly, guilt filling her briefly for fighting in front of her daughter, but she was too angry to stop now. "Besides, you were the one who really wanted the baby, not me."

His face lost all color, and Cooper shook his head. He grabbed Charlotte's arm and dragged her out of the room, shutting the two of them in the guest bedroom. "I get that you're hurting, and I'm perfectly willing to take the brunt of your anger if that's what it takes to get you through this." Despite his sharp words, Cooper's eyes shone with love for Charlotte. "You wanna hit me? Fine. You wanna tell me I'm an asshole for suggesting you might wanna talk about your feelings? Go ahead. But don't you dare--" His voice broke. "Don't you dare tell me you didn't want Caleb. I saw your face when we were painting the nursery, and I saw you before that ultrasound. You wanted that little boy as much as I did." A single tear escaped down Cooper's cheek. "Whatever else you do, don't lie to me, Charlotte." He turned and stalked out of the room.

Cooper's words tumbled over each other in her brain, and Charlotte felt dizzy. If he ever found out... The thought was too much to take, and she broke down, falling to the floor and sobbing silently. When she had cried herself out, she rose shakily to her feet. She went into the guest bathroom and splashed cold water on her face, grateful that Cooper had taken Carly to the park after breakfast. She didn't need to face questions, from either one of them.

As Charlotte was making her way back to her bedroom, to curl up under the covers and ignore the fact that her life was falling apart around her, the doorbell rang. She trudged over to it wearily, swinging it open without checking the peephole. Her jaw clenched, but she tried to fake a smile when she saw who was standing on the other side.

"Hi." Immediately, Violet's soft, sympathetic tone set Charlotte on edge. "Cooper told me about the baby. I wanted to give you a little time to yourself, I know you're not really a people person, but it's been a few days, and the therapist in me can't just sit at home when I know you're hurting. So, feel free to tell me it's none of my business--not that that's ever stopped me before--but how are you?"

Charlotte opened her mouth with a wisecrack, but one look at Violet's open, honest concern and her facade crumbled like a graham cracker dunked in milk. Big, fat tears rolled down her cheeks, and she wrapped her arms around her stomach protectively, shaking her head. Violet stepped into the house and slid one arm around Charlotte's shoulders. "Okay," the brunette said gently. "That's a really good start."

TO BE CONTINUED...


	3. A Time To Love

Title: A Time To... 3/3

Author: fresh_tart

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I'm just borrowing them. I hereby promise to return them dirtier, wetter and more satisfied than when I took them.

Characters/Pairing: Cooper/Charlotte

Genre: Fluff, followed by angst, followed by comfort!fic, followed by...oh just read it!

Summary: Charlotte faces an impossible choice in her personal life. Will she let Cooper help her through it, or push him away?

WARNINGS: Major angst

***

_There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to love and a time to hate...a time for war and a time for peace._

***

Violet led her over to the couch and sat her down, going into the kitchen and retrieving a bottle of water. She set it on the coffee table, then sank to the couch beside Charlotte. "It'll help to talk about it," she said softly.

Charlotte wiped the tears off her cheeks. "I don't even know where to begin." Contradicting her own words, she went on quickly. "I'm hurting him, I know I am. I'm trying to protect him, but I'm hurting him instead, and I don't know how not to."

"Let Cooper help you through this," Violet said gently. "He loves you, and he wants to help, even if that means just listening to you."

"He can't help." Charlotte stared miserably down into her lap. "It's done, the baby's gone, and that's that."

"That's not 'that'," Violet argued quietly. "There's a whole grieving process, Charlotte. Everyone goes through the same steps, and you're no exception. Right now, you're still in Denial." As Charlotte's head snapped up, Violet amended, "Okay, maybe Anger."

Sighing, Charlotte nodded slowly, her tears returning. "I slip back into anger a lot. Mostly, I'm bargaining and depressed. I want to just curl up in bed and cry until it brings Caleb back."

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Violet murmured, "But you know that won't do any good. And your husband and daughter need you."

"I'm no good to them." _I can't tell my own husband the truth, even though I know he would've supported me._ "I'm wrecked."

"Do you think Cooper blames you for the miscarriage?"

"He should," Charlotte replied, without thinking.

"You didn't cause it."

Charlotte choked back a sob. "I just don't want to hurt him anymore."

"Then let him in, Charlotte. Tell Cooper how you're feeling. Let him see these tears."

"But he can't change anything."

"He doesn't have to," Violet reminded her. "He just has to know that you're in this together."

***

Cooper stepped through the door and paused, listening to the silence of the house echoing around him. "Charlotte?" he called. When he got no response, he carried his sleeping daughter up to her bedroom and laid her down. After tucking her in, he returned to the kitchen, looking for a note. Then he checked his cell phone, but found nothing. Charlotte had disappeared without a word.

It was well after midnight when she returned, climbing the stairs ungracefully and practically falling into bed beside him.

"Late night," Cooper commented quietly.

"Yup."

"Have fun?"

Charlotte groaned. "Don't start with me, Cooper. I think I'm entitled to go out after the week I've had."

Cooper stared at her through the darkness. "I just asked if you had fun."

"You were implying that I should've been home with you and Carly."

"I wasn't implying anything. You're a grown-up, you can go out anytime you want."

"You damn well better remember that." Charlotte rolled onto her side and curled into a ball.

"Charlotte." She didn't move a muscle, and Cooper tried again. "Charlotte, what the fuck is going on?"

Charlotte sat bolt upright, glaring at him. "I don't know, Cooper." She practically spat his name. "Why don't you tell me?"

"You're acting like...like you're trying to push me further away."

The hurt in Cooper's tone made Charlotte cringe. "You're making things up."

"Am I really?" Cooper sighed softly. "I'm not going anywhere, Charlotte. I told you that before we got married, and nothing's changed."

Charlotte slid out of bed, her tear-stained cheeks sparkling in a shaft of moonlight. "Oh, you know that's not true. Everything's changed, Cooper." With that, she was gone, and Cooper lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and struggling not to cry.

***

When Charlotte woke up, Carly was snuggled on the couch beside her, one tiny arm thrown around her mother's neck. Charlotte buried her face in her daughter's soft blond hair, feeling tears pricking the back of her eyes.

"She's worried about you." Cooper's soft voice brought Charlotte's head up, and she looked at him through tear-filled eyes. "She doesn't know what's wrong, but she can tell something's off, and she misses her momma."

"I..."

Cooper crossed the room and crouched down next to the couch. "I know," he said softly. He lifted his hand and gently brushed Charlotte's hair from her face. "I miss you, Char."

Charlotte shook her head so fast that Carly stirred, yawning. "You don't understand."

"Because you won't tell me."

"I can't." Charlotte slid out from underneath Carly and strode to her bedroom, intent on avoiding the conversation.

"Charlotte!" Cooper followed her, locking them in the bedroom. "Talk to me. I'm tired of being out in the cold."

"You don't get it!" Charlotte glared at him. "This isn't your burden to bear, this is mine. I'm trying to protect you."

Cooper half-smiled at that. "You can't do that. We're in this together."

"Not this time."

"Charlotte, grow up."

The words struck Charlotte deep inside, and she drew a shaky breath, her anger bubbling to the surface. "Grow up?" she hissed. She took a step toward Cooper, her posture rigid with rage. "You have no idea how much I've grown in the last month. I had to watch my baby idie/i, you bastard."

Cooper's eyes welled up. "I know, and I'm so sorry, honey. But he was my baby, too, and I'm hurt, I'm angry. But I'm not shutting you out."

"I'm not shutting you out," Charlotte snapped. "I'm sparing you the pain I'm going through. How can you be so damn blind?"

Cooper sighed. "I don't want you to spare me! I'm a grown man, I can handle it."

"You think so?" Charlotte's laugh was dry and hollow. "You think you could've made that choice?" She shook her head, as Cooper frowned in confusion. "I didn't have a miscarriage, Cooper." She waited while he tried to absorb that information. "Caleb had achondroplasia. He wouldn't have lived more than a day or two."

"What?" He looked as if he didn't understand the words coming out of her mouth.

"You heard me." Burying the pain beneath layers of anger, Charlotte smirked at him. "So as much as you might want to think that we're on the same level here, Cooper, we're not even close. You didn't have to make the call. You didn't have to have your uterus scraped clean of the baby you were carrying."

Cooper didn't move, he just stared at her. "You had an abortion without telling me." It wasn't a question; somehow, he thought saying it out loud would make it more real.

Charlotte straightened up to her full height, taking a deep breath. "I did what I had to do."

"But you did it without me," Cooper said, raw pain showing through his voice. "That was bmy/b baby, too!" he shouted. It was the first time he'd ever raised his voice at Charlotte in anger, and it curdled his stomach that it made her flinch.

"You would've done the same thing!" Charlotte threw back. "Look me in the eye and tell me you think I should've carried to term."

Cooper's face changed completely, from anger to despair. "Of course not," he said, his voice trembling. "I would've been behind you one hundred percent. But, Charlotte?" He studied her face, as if she were a stranger. "The point is that I would've been behind you."

"I didn't need you behind me, or next to me, or anywhere close to me," Charlotte snapped, just to see him cringe. "It was my body, it was my decision, and I made it. Now I have to live with it."

"That's the first thing you've said in a month that I agree with." Cooper turned and left the room, and a minute later, Charlotte heard a door slam. When she ventured downstairs, Carly was gone. She wanted to cry, but the tears stayed dammed up behind the walls she'd so carefully put into place.

***

Charlotte stalked into Cooper's office the next morning, ready for a fight. She didn't pause when she saw he was on the phone, just barreled ahead. "I want my daughter back."

"I'll give you a call later," Cooper said into the phone, before hanging up. "No," he said simply. "Carly needs more attention and stability than you can give her right now."

"You don't get to make that decision! She's my daughter. Bring her home."

"Charlotte." Cooper folded his hands on his desk, looking at her with the most patient expression he could muster. "I'm doing what's best for our little girl. When you're feeling more like yourself, we'll work out a custody agreement."

_Custody._ The word struck Charlotte in the solar plexus, and she struggled to breathe. In the safe little world she'd created inside the walls of her heart, she'd never thought far enough ahead to realize that Cooper might actually be done with her. Cooper was Cooper; no matter what she'd done, no matter what she'd thrown at him, he'd been there for her. Instinct took over, and Charlotte sneered, "Custody? Good luck with that. I'll have the best lawyers in L.A. on my side in a matter of minutes. Carly's coming home with me, Cooper."

"I'm sorry, no." Cooper stood and pointed at the door. "Now, I have patients, so you need to leave."

Charlotte turned on her heel. "I'm taking my baby back. As long as you understand that." Having gotten the last word, she stormed out of the office, still shaking.

As soon as she was out of sight, Cooper practically ran to Violet's office, ducking in and slamming the door. She looked up at her best friend sympathetically. "Dell called to warn me. How'd it go?"

"She's mad. Really, really mad." He sighed softly. "But I did what you said."

"Good." Violet patted the seat next to her, and Cooper sank down with a sigh. She slid her arm around his shoulders, saying quietly, "Carly's better off with you right now. Charlotte needs to finish her grieving before she can be the mother that Carly needs. You're doing the right thing."

"Then why do I feel so horrible?"

"Because you love her," Violet said quietly, kissing his temple, the way he always did for her when she was upset. "And seeing her in pain makes you hurt, too."

"I wish it worked the same way for her," Cooper said. "I wish it hurt her to hurt me."

"It does," Violet assured him. "I've seen it. She just shoves it aside in favor of her trust and attachment issues, since it's easier to deal with as anger. Charlotte loves you," she said firmly. "She just doesn't know how to handle emotions."

"I'm getting kind of sick of that excuse," Cooper muttered.

Violet squeezed him in a one-armed hug. "I understand. And that's perfectly okay. Just don't make any big decisions right now, you know? Give her a chance to make things right."

"I don't know if she can, Vi. I just don't know."

***

"Dr. Freedman?"

Charlotte glared at the phone, as if the intercom were responsible for her frustration. "What?"

"There's a Dr. Turner on line two for you."

_Oh, goody gumdrops._ She snatched up the receiver and pressed 2. "Violet, what can I do for you?"

"I have a patient going to St. Ambrose in a few minutes on a 5150, and I need to be sure his medical instructions are followed to the letter. No one puts the fear of God in an establishment like you, so I was hoping you'd do me a personal favor and escort him to Psych personally."

Eyeing the pile of paperwork that never seemed to dwindle down, Charlotte agreed. She needed something to get her out of her office before she was put on an Involuntary Psychiatric Hold herself. "I'll meet you in the Psych waiting room," Charlotte promised.

They arrived a few minutes later, with a surprisingly calm patient. He had changed his mind, and rather than being held on a 5150, he was admitting himself voluntarily. Charlotte did her best to smile and encourage him, all the while ignoring the stares Violet was none too subtly directing her way. After they had the patient settled in his room, Charlotte strode over to the central Nurses' Station and smiled down at the young woman sitting there, glancing at her nametag. "Louise," she began with a serene smile that would've scared anyone who'd met her, but fortunately for Louise, it was her first day. "This is Dr. Violet Turner," Charlotte introduced her. "She's the psychiatrist over at Oceanside Wellness, and we just admitted her patient, Jonathan Keys. Now," Charlotte said, leaning one elbow casually on the desk, "for the duration of Mr. Keys' stay with us, there is only one thing you have to remember. Are you paying attention, Louise?"

Louise nodded, her eyes wide. "Yes, ma'am."

Charlotte looked at Violet out of the corner of her eye, murmuring, "I love it when they call me "ma'am"." She cleared her throat and addressed the nurse. "In regards to Jonathan Keys, barring any violent episodes where he might pose a danger to himself or others, you and your fellow nurses, as well as my doctors, are to stick to Oceanside's orders like they're the Bible and Violet Turner is God. If a medication needs adjusting, call Dr. Turner. If he's not cooperating with group therapy, call Dr. Turner. If he's constipated and needs a laxative..." She trailed off, looking expectantly at Louise.

"I'll call Dr. Turner." Louise smiled up at Violet nervously.

"Very good. Thank you, Louise." Charlotte turned and headed down the hall.

"You don't actually have to call me if he's constipated," Violet said with a grin. "I mean, a laxative won't interfere with his treatment, so I don't--"

"Violet!" Charlotte called.

"Coming!" Violet smiled once more at Louise and dashed off down the hall, catching up with Charlotte. "Thanks again for doing this. I know Jonathan's in good hands."

"He'll receive the best possible care here, you know that. But I'm glad to help."

They walked in silence, until Violet couldn't take it any longer. "Is there anything I can do?"

Charlotte had known it was coming, but she still sighed. "No."

"Are you sure? I mean, we talked about how we're not supposed to treat family, but I could make an exception for you and Cooper. Or if you think I'm too close to the situation, I can refer you. Sheldon is an excellent couples' therapist, and there's Dr. Glazier at the Waterside Group--"

"Violet." Charlotte put on a smile and shook her head. "I'm not interested in therapy, thank you."

"Oh." Violet was quiet for a moment, then said in a heart-broken voice, "You're not leaving him, are you?"

Charlotte took a deep breath, then expelled it quickly. "I don't know what's going on."

Violet's voice went small. "_Oh_. I told him you'd never do that. I hate to lie to him."

Charlotte pictured Cooper, snuggled up with Violet on a couch, spilling his guts about her and their life together, and she had to fight to breathe. "I'm not leaving Cooper," she said quietly. "Not yet, anyway."

"Good."

They reached Charlotte's office, and she breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, if you need anything else, feel free to call me."

"There is kind of one more thing." Violet hesitated. "Carly misses you, but Cooper's not ready to deal with everything yet, so I volunteered to bring her over for a visit."

"Supervised visitation with my own daughter? How thoughtful," Charlotte sneered. She thought about Carly, and the ache that always resided in her chest nowadays doubled in intensity. "I'm sorry. That would be wonderful. I'd love to see her."

"We'll come by tonight after work. Thanks again."

As she was walking away down the hall, Charlotte called after her, and Violet turned. "How is he?"

"Miserable," Violet said with a sad smile. "Half of his heart is missing."

***

"Dr. King-Freedman," Charlotte answered the phone.

"Charlotte, it's me." Cooper's voice set her heart to pounding, and Charlotte fought a rush of tears, chiding herself for being such a baby. "Carly's sick."

"Oh, God. What's wrong? Where is she?"

"It's just the flu. I brought her in to the clinic with me so I could keep an eye on her but I've got patients and--."

Charlotte cut him off. "I'm on my way."

Ten minutes later, she was stepping off the elevator, nodding at Dell by way of greeting. "Where's Carly?"

"With Naomi, in her office."

Charlotte took off down the hall, barely pausing at the closed office door. She stepped inside and took in the sight of her daughter, pale and sweaty, lying on the couch. "Oh, baby." She climbed onto the sofa and scooped Carly into her lap gently, cradling the little girl the same way she had when Carly was born. "You're not feeling too well, huh, sweetheart?"

"I'm sick," Carly said miserably.

"Yeah, Daddy told me you have the flu. That's no fun." Charlotte reached for a nearby washcloth, already wet with cool water, and ran it over Carly's forehead. "But I'm here now, and I'll do anything I can to make you feel better." Carly closed her eyes, burrowing tightly against her mother's chest. Charlotte's heart gave a loud thump. "Okay, baby. You just rest, Momma's here." She ran a hand over Carly's hair, looking up at Naomi with a grateful smile. "Thank you for watching her."

"Oh, it was no trouble," Naomi smiled. "She's such a good girl."

"Still..." The unspoken words, 'thank you for not blaming my mistakes on my daughter', hung on Charlotte's tongue.

"She's a good kid," Naomi repeated. "And you're a good mother. No matter what else goes on." She shrugged slightly, then left the office.

"I hope so," Charlotte whispered, kissing Carly's fevered forehead.

"Momma?" Carly murmured sleepily.

"I thought you were asleep, baby."

"Not yet. Momma, when can I go home?"

Charlotte's heart constricted, and she sniffled softly. "Daddy and I just need to work some things out, sweetie. You're gonna come home real soon."

"Promise?"

Tears started to fall, and for once, Charlotte let them. "Promise as hard as I can."

***

The sun had gone down by the time Cooper saw his last patient, and he stepped into the darkness of Naomi's office, waiting for his eyes to adjust. Seeing Charlotte on the couch, Carly's little body curled around her mother's, brought instant tears to his eyes. He crouched down in front of them, running a hand over Carly's head. "Hey," he said softly, so as not to startle Charlotte.

Her eyes opened and she looked at him, slightly embarrassed. "I guess I fell asleep."

"How is she?"

"She stopped vomiting about an hour ago," Charlotte reported, trying to shift under the little girl's weight, but finding herself trapped. "But she still hasn't eaten anything, so I'm worried."

Cooper picked Carly up off Charlotte and held her in one arm, her head on his shoulder. "Thanks for coming," he said, holding out his free hand to help Charlotte off the couch.

Charlotte took Cooper's hand, and as she did, she felt every spark that ever existed between them, all the passion and comfort, in that one little touch. Biting back tears, she used his grip as leverage, standing and stretching. "Why wouldn't I come? She's my daughter."

"No, I know you'd never leave her."

"Cooper..."

Carly shifted restlessly, moaning in her sleep, and Cooper released Charlotte's hand to rub Carly's back. She settled down almost immediately. "Yeah?"

Charlotte smiled tightly. "Why don't you come home? Carly needs to be in her own bed tonight."

"I'm not sure I should."

Charlotte nodded slowly. "I see. Well, then." She leaned over to kiss Carly's cheek. "You call me if she needs anything. Even if she just asks for me, you bring her over," she told Cooper firmly. "Don't deprive her of her momma because you and I can't work things out."

"I'd never do that," Cooper said, his voice thick.

"Good."

***

Charlotte had just climbed into bed, prepared for a long night of staring at the ceiling and kicking herself, when the doorbell rang. It was one of two people, and on the off-chance that it wasn't Violet, Charlotte jumped out of bed and raced for the front door. When she swung it open, she almost cried at the sight of Cooper on the other side, carrying Carly in one arm and a suitcase in the other. "Welcome home," she said.

"I'm not. I mean, not for good," he explained. "You were right, Carly needs her own bed while she's sick, and she needs her mother. When she's better..." He trailed off with a shrug. "We'll figure it out then."

"Give her here," Charlotte murmured, reaching for Carly. She held the sleeping girl tightly, whispering reassurances as she climbed the steps to Carly's room. Charlotte laid her in bed, tucked her in and fussed over her, feeling her forehead and kissing her warm little cheek. When Carly opened sleepy blue eyes, Charlotte whispered, "You're home, baby."

"Home," Carly repeated. She rolled onto her side, clutching her stuffed giraffe like a lifeline.

"Sleep tight." Charlotte gave her one more kiss, then slipped out of the room, leaving the door ajar. She moved downstairs and stopped at the bottom of the stairs, just watching Cooper as he sat on the couch, staring at a darkened television. "Cooper?"

Lost in thought, he didn't even turn to look at her, just murmured, "Hm?"

"Oh, God." Charlotte flashed back to the first ultrasound, and tech "Hm"ing at little Caleb's picture. She heard Addison's concerned "Hm" when they'd discovered the gene mutation, and all of it came crashing down on her shoulders. "Oh, God," she repeated, dropping onto the bottom step. She laid her head on her folded arms and cried.

Cooper crossed the room and knelt in front of her. "Charlotte?" he said softly.

"No." Charlotte couldn't stop crying, the tears falling onto her pajama pants and making tiny wet spots. "No," she whispered again. It was too much to handle.

"I'm here," Cooper said gently. He put his hand on Charlotte's shoulder, everything else forgotten because she was in pain and she needed him.

"No!" Charlotte flailed her arms, knocking Cooper backwards onto the floor. Her head snapped up, and she groaned. "He's gone." The tears kept flowing.

Cooper clambered back to his feet, reaching down and grasping Charlotte's hand. "Come here." He tugged on her hand, pulling her in for a tight hug.

Charlotte clung to him desperately, and the walls she'd built back up were beginning to tremble with the emotional earthquake that rocked her. "Why won't you go away?" she pleaded. "I've done everything I know how to do, but you're still here."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No!" Charlotte wrapped her arms around Cooper's waist, squeezing him as tightly as she could. "But you're supposed to. I fucked up, I pushed you away."

"This is me pushing back," Cooper said, brushing a kiss across her forehead. "We're married now, you just don't get to bottle everything up and deal with it alone anymore."

"I wanted to," Charlotte admitted tearfully. "I didn't want you to have to feel this."

"Oh, Charlotte." Cooper actually smiled, leaning back to catch her eye. "You really don't get it, do you? Everything you feel, I feel. It doesn't matter that you weren't telling me what was going on. I could see how guilty you felt, how shaken, how depressed. I may not have known _why_, but I knew how you felt, and when you're hurting, I'm hurting."

Shocked, Charlotte stared at him in silence. Finally, she whispered brokenly, "I'm sorry."

"That's all I needed to hear." Cooper tightened his grip on her, his pain finally easing a little. "No more pulling away?"

"No more pulling away," Charlotte echoed, still crying.

Without a word, Cooper led Charlotte upstairs, and she curled up in his arms until the tears dried up. Then he kissed her until she almost forgot why she was upset.

***

"Momma!" Carly hollered from the top of the stairs. "Where's my pink shoes?"

"Wherever you left them," Charlotte called back. "You're five now, Carly. You're responsible for your own shoes."

"Yes, ma'am." Carly slunk off to her room to search for the missing sneakers.

Cooper had to smile at the exchange. "She's so much like you, it's scary."

"You think we need a little balance?" Charlotte asked, coming up behind him at the kitchen table and resting her small hands on his shoulders.

"What?" Cooper snickered. "Like, a puppy with my laid-back attitude?"

"I was thinking a little boy who uses words like 'groovy' and doesn't mind looking like a total nerd," she teased, rubbing Cooper's shoulders gently. He twisted in his seat to look up at her, frowning slightly, and Charlotte smiled. She grabbed the nearest chair and pulled it forward so they were sitting knee-to-knee. Her hands clenched in her lap, she took a deep breath. "I want a baby." Before Cooper could respond, Charlotte went on. "I'm scared as hell, Cooper. I'm terrified that the last time wasn't a fluke, that there's something wrong with one or both of us, but I see how amazing Carly is, how much she brings to our lives, and I'm greedy. I want more of that. But it's up to you." Charlotte smiled shakily at him. "We're in this together."

Stunned, Cooper held a hand to one ear. "I'm sorry, I must've misheard you," he teased. "I could've sworn you were just open and honest with your feelings and asked my opinion."

Raising one eyebrow, Charlotte warned, "Keep mockin' me and it'll never happen again, smartass."

Relenting, Cooper grinned at her, reaching for her hand. "We're in this together?"

"Fifty/fifty," Charlotte confirmed. "That applies to diapers, midnight feedings and..." She trailed off, swallowing hard. "Anything else."

"Okay." Cooper grabbed Charlotte around the waist, lifting her off her seat and plopping her in his lap. "Let's do it," he said, kissing her fiercely. "Let's have another kid."

THE END


End file.
